I peed on the stick. We shut the bathroom door and waited. It was the longest five minutes of our lives. We turned the knob and burst through together. Our wishes and dreams had come true, the little digital window read pregnant. I leapt into my husbands arms and we jumped up and down, we were going to be parents!
We decided to start trying just after our one-year wedding anniversary. I was 33 and he was 31 and we felt ready. After our first month of trying I oddly felt like it had worked. I couldn’t believe it, but everything in my body was telling me I was pregnant. Sure enough, the pregnancy test confirmed my intuition. After we learned the news, we spent the rest of the day smiling, dancing and dreaming of what was to come. We decided to share the news with friends and family the next day. Each phone call or FaceTime filled the air with squeals of happiness and excitement. We couldn’t wait to celebrate in person, it was March of 2020 and we were unsure when that would be as the pandemic unfolded.
The early pregnancy symptoms started to set in, fatigue, breast tenderness and aversions. And then one Friday at around nine weeks pregnant I woke up to find blood in my underwear. My heart sunk. I wiped and there was more blood. I slowly crept back to the bed where my husband was still lying and shared with him what happened. We immediately called the doctor and they asked us to come in right away.
Due to the pandemic, we had not had a first ultrasound and weren’t scheduled for one until 12 weeks.
Due to Covid protocols, I had to enter the clinic alone to soon find out we had lost our baby. The grief I felt can’t be explained. I spent the next day on the floor of our bathroom experiencing a natural miscarriage. Only someone who has gone through this experience can truly understand the pain and fear that takes place while this is happening to your body. My husband was there with me every second, rubbing my back, wiping my forehead with a cold towel or just sitting there with me. He took care of calling and updating all of our friends and family. I couldn’t face it yet.
The next day the flowers, casseroles and care packages started to arrive. Each delivery brought a small smile to my face during a time when I didn’t think it was possible. Had we not shared our pregnancy news with all of the people we love, we would have gone through this experience alone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but each text, card or simple emoji reminded me of all the people we had to support us through this extremely difficult time.
The love and support didn’t stop there. We were embraced with constant check-in’s, cheerleading and true empathy with no end date.
Flash forward… after over 750 days, an IUI procedure, fertility drugs, two rounds of IVF, and a failed IVF transfer we are pregnant again!
Seeing pregnant on the digital screen felt surreal. Instead of jumping up and down this time we hugged and cried in silence. We let the pain and fear of the last two years melt away. We were no where close to being in the clear. Personally for us, we didn’t think twice about sharing the news right away with our friends and family, again. We knew if anything went wrong during this pregnancy, we would need all of the love and support we could get. I am self employed, but my husband decided to be open with his employer and let them know our good news the day after we found out.
The 5 reasons we chose to announce our pregnancy right away
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Fight the stigma and shame around miscarriage.
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Get the love and support we needed no matter what happened
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Bring awareness to the early symptoms women face in the first trimester, but rarely talk about until they’ve already passed, including: extreme fatigue, nausea, dizziness and food aversions among many more!
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Celebrate and share in the excitement with everyone
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Show our employers that they should encourage their employees to share this news. Enabling them to receive the flexibility and support needed during early pregnancy when symptoms are extremely difficult to work through
I’m 13 weeks along now and we finally got to see and hear that heartbeat we had been waiting so long for. Everyone is different and our approach might not be best for you. Here’s another perspective to check out, The Conundrum of the First Trimester: How and Why I stayed Mum. I do hope if you want to tell the world early, but you feel like you shouldn’t due to societal pressure, this story helps you find the strength to lean into what’s best for you and your family.
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