Parenting, like many other things in life, seems so easy when you’re not the one doing it. I remember thinking that once I became a parent I would do things a certain way. And of course everything would always go as planned. That was a great thought, right up until I actually became a parent myself!
“The Best Laid Birth Plans of Mice and Women Often Go Awry”
It was apparent to me from the day my oldest was born that motherhood was going to be a bumpy ride. Months before she was due, I thought hard about what I wanted my birth to look like. I decided on an unmedicated, vaginal birth. I was prepared. And to help ensure I had the birth I wanted, I had taken HypnoBirthing classes rather than the traditional childbirth classes. I imagined skin-to-skin, breathing effortlessly through the pain, and rainbows and butterflies.
Well despite what I wanted, my plan quickly went out the window. I ended up getting the epidural I initially didn’t want and, not long after, was rushed into the operating room for an emergency c-section: my daughter was in distress. I never wanted or planned on having a c-section, but that didn’t matter. It had to happen. I remember thinking in that moment that I didn’t care how she entered the world: the only thing I cared about was that she was ok. Thankfully she was just perfect.
Were C-Sections the Way to Go?
I started to feel like c-sections were the way to go. Somehow I went from being a person who never thought I would have a c-section to someone who was thinking about scheduling another one in the future. I liked the idea of knowing exactly when my next baby would be born and who would deliver them.
I fully intended on having another c-section with my second child and would even question other mothers why they weren’t opting for a c-section (I can be such a love). But then I changed my mind again. When I was maybe 5 months along, I came across the documentary The Business Of Being Born. I remember being filled with a mix of emotions when it was over. I was once again revisiting my birth options, something I never thought I would have to do again. But again, I was wrong.
After I had my daughter I convinced myself at some point that a c-section wasn’t a major surgery. But the truth is that they have to move a lot of stuff around, and it’s kind of a big deal. It wasn’t until I was listening to the women in the movie that I started to really think about it. After watching the documentary and making this realization among many others, I began to read everything I could find on VBACS (vaginal birth after cesarean). And the more I read, the more I knew what I wanted. VBAC was the way I wanted to go.
Now, Onto the VBAC
A lot of hospitals won’t even perform a VBAC and while my own OB was supportive, she couldn’t speak for the other 10 doctors in the practice. This lack of reassurance had be looking at my options yet again and I ended up finding The Birth Cottage, which is a free standing birth center, about 30 minutes away. After we met with the midwives I knew it was the right choice. So, I set my sites on a VBAC and even planned to give birth in water.
A few months later, we made the drive to welcome our baby girl into the world. I think both my husband and I were a little scared about what could possibly go wrong but neither of us said anything. I labored for a long time in and out of the water and unfortunately I wasn’t able to have the water birth I hoped for. But what I did have was a successful, unmedicated, out of hospital VBAC that resulted in a healthy, beautiful, baby girl. And I loved that my oldest was there to welcome her little sister into the world. What I didn’t love was the 30 minute drive it took us to get there. This led me to revise my birth plan, yet again.
The Home Birth
This time around I still wanted everything I had with my second. Well what I should say is, everything minus the drive. And I knew that a home birth was the perfect choice for me. Not only would we be closer to a hospital (with a NICU) if a complication did arise, it would also be so much easier. Needless to say it wasn’t super hard to get my husband on board with this plan.
He also loved that we would all be able to wait for the arrival of our newest family member in the comfort of our home. Our biggest stressor was figuring out when to tell my incredible midwife, Sarah Bay, who lives 45 minutes away to start heading over.
Luckily she and her assistants made it in time! And shortly after, my 3rd baby girl entered the world exactly as I had hoped. At home, in the water, surrounded by the love of mom, dad, and her two big sisters! Everything about her birth was amazing. So when I was pregnant for a 4th time with my son, there was nothing to think about. I knew without a doubt that unless there was some sort of medical complication, I would have another water birth at home with him, and I did.
Since becoming a mother I’ve realized that part of me being a parent means that I’ll always be learning and growing. And that there will be times when I will be judged and criticized for the choices I make.
I think that when it comes to motherhood, how our babies enter the world is just one short chapter of their story. Don’t get me wrong, I would love if every mother could welcome her baby the way she chose. But as I shared above, that isn’t always possible. In the end what matters isn’t whether we get an epidural or we don’t. The important thing is that we have a safe delivery and a healthy baby.
I am by no means a birth expert, or any other kind of expert. But after having 4 babies, 3 different ways I now have a deep appreciation for the birth process. Over the years my opinion of what a woman should do when it comes to birth has changed. Today, my suggestion is that they should do their research and pick the option that is best for them. And not to feel like they need to defend their choice to anyone, except maybe their partner.
To all my fellow mommas out there, it doesn’t matter if you had a vaginal birth or a c-section, or whether your baby was brought to you via a surrogate or adoption. We are all mothers!
Now that you’ve heard all my birth stories, I’d love to hear a little about yours. Did everything go as planned? Is there something you would have done differently? Will you choose the same option next time?
