I’m a First-Time Mom and I’m Over 40

By
Krysten
-
10

Two adults and a baby

[dropcap]I[/dropcap] will be eligible to collect Social Security upon my 18-month-old son’s college graduation. I don’t really open with that line when I meet new parents, but I think it.

Older celebrity moms setting a trend? But I don’t have a glam squad!

Credit the latest crop of Hollywood stars for making us feel like there are more women having children after 40: Halle Berry was 41 when she gave birth to her first child and 47 when she gave birth to baby number two. You can view a whole slideshow of “older mom” celebrities on PopSugar.com for a myriad of examples.

And while, yes, there’s a trend, here is the latest stat I found: the average age of women having their first child was a record high of 26-years-old in 2013, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Vital Statistics Report. That doesn’t seem so old to me!

Top five things that set the “mom over 40” apart:

  1. We remember growing up without a cable TV, microwave, or personal computer. (And you kind of hope to give your baby a break from technology, too–at least for a couple of years.)
  2. Diapers? Most of us probably wore the cloth kind with the ducky pins. And if you were like me, you needed the nurses to show you how to properly attach a Pamper tab.
  3. Your parents (or in-laws) may be retired and thrilled to see your child on Facebook, but they might not have the fortitude to babysit your infant or toddler for more than a couple of hours. (I admit I am little envious when I hear from other moms about how their parents/aunts/siblings will take their children for a weekend or more!)
  4. College was a long time ago. We’ve got party mode out of our system and are happy with a glass of wine in front of the TV after the baby finally crashes.
  5. We enjoy a certain calm that comes from experiencing life: a record of steady employment, gray hair and laugh lines, and an understanding that what other people think about how we look is highly over-rated.

Finding connections with other “older” moms

For support, laughs, and perspective, I joined a closed Facebook group, Moms over 40 with infants, toddlers and young children. I posed a question to the group: what are some of the challenges we face? Many of the women reminded me not to focus on the challenges, but on the advantages of having a child later in life.

  • Kristina: “I prefer the upsides of being an older mom. (I’m) more financially secure, (have) more patience, and different priorities; I (understand) the importance of parenting and starting a college fund.“
  • Lee: “I love how at this age we can laugh at ourselves. Like when you volunteer at your kids’ school with a dryer sheet stuck to your butt the whole day, or when you put the diaper bag on top of the car and drive away (I miss that bag), or you pee your pants and pretend nobody noticed while you are running your first (and last) 5k. I am sooooo much more relaxed than I was in my 20s and 30s.”
  • Lisa: “I love that my family has saved up for this and we have more time to enjoy our daughter. We’ve had tons of fun and travel and now we just want to enjoy our little family!”

I’ve met some wonderful women locally through the Hike it Baby- Portsmouth group and the Seacoast Mother’s Association. But I’d love to swap stories with older moms and hear some tips and tricks related to surviving motherhood over 40.

Next articleIt’s Okay To Not Be Okay
Krysten
Hello, I’m Krysten! I am mom to Everett John, now 18-months-old. Everett came to us after I turned 40, and my husband and I now find ourselves juggling the trials of new parenthood in the “older” bracket. It’s a whole new world to us and we’re figuring things out as Everett progresses from infant-hood to toddler-hood. We have lived in Dover, New Hampshire for more than a decade and are learning our way around the parks, playgrounds, and parent groups available in the Seacoast. I can’t wait to share our adventures with you and get tips from other readers.
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10 COMMENTS

  1. Krysten, I love your straight forward thinking and awareness of what type of parent you are!

    I’m inspired.

    • Thanks Anelia! I hope to tackle subjects that appeal to moms of al ages, too. What would you like to read more about?

  2. love this! i just gave birth to my son 3 weeks after turning 40! thank you for this great post. it is so true! and i would love to connect with you:)

    • Would love to connect with you, too! Thanks for reading my post. I had my baby shower the afternoon after my 40th birthday.

  4. I wholeheartedly agree, it sometimes feels like I have nothing in common with the younger mothers of 4 yr olds that I meet. Our twins entered the world 7 wks early, and 4 wks shy of my 46th birthday…and my husband was nearly 60! We met late in life, and neither of us had children, but both had wanted them. Now, I’m a 50 yr old first time sahm with 2 preschoolers…talk about a culture shock! I can’t wait to read more of your perspective of making the Mom thing work, over 40.

    • Congrats Lisa on having twins in your 40s! I have three friends who have twins and I’m constantly amazed at the challenges (and joys) that come with two at the same time. Did you work a long time before deciding to be a SAHM? That’s a hard role, too. Thanks for reading and let me know what topics you are interested in reading about.

  5. It’s good to know there are others out there. I technically wasn’t 40 when my son was born. He was born 4 weeks early and exactly a month before my 40th! I don’t seem to have much in common with most moms I meet, so it’s hard to make “mom friends”.

  6. It is hard, but I keep trying! Today I had the experience of being an older “sandwich” mom. In one morning, I had to ward off the Terrible 2s and got a call that my elderly mother-in-law had fallen. Thanks for reading and let me know what topics you want to read more about.

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