For many families, summer break can mean wrangling with a new set of screen time concerns.
Though it can be easier to keep kids outdoors and busy with camps and vacations, without the structure of a school schedule, it can also mean a loosey-goosey slide into screen time patterns that you really don’t want to continue.
There is no one-size-fits-all anything when it comes to parenting, so managing screens really depends on the age and stage of your child and the particulars of your family — including the reality of your availability to supervise. For example, are you working for money at home on Zoom calls, or are you at an office? Are you a solo parent? Are there grandparents or a sitter who watch the kids while you’re working, or otherwise busy? Or maybe your kids are now old enough to be left alone, and have their own devices. There are so many variables, but here are some ideas to keep in mind…
Strike while the iron is hot.
When your kids are young you have so much influence and power to make the rules and enforce them. Take advantage of this time and build a no screens or a little screen time habit now.
If you do allow screens, make it predictable.
Decide on a certain day, time of the day, and allotted time for screens. A clear schedule is easier for you to maintain. It’s not going to stop them from asking (or begging!) for more screen time, but you can rely on the container you’ve set without contemplating each request. It’s a lot easier to add screen time in than to take it out.
In our family, we’ve had an established watching schedule that’s been in place for many, many years. It’s not perfect, and we certainly make exceptions for a number of reasons, but it’s a well worn path that we just follow. The kids know what to expect, and we do too.
Get clear on what bothers you about your child’s screen use – and prepare.
This may be helpful when there’s a specific pain point that needs addressing. Consider what habits or patterns trouble you, then make it a point to directly address them in your summer plan. For example, if your child gravitates to the TV first thing in the morning, prioritize creating a solid morning plan to prevent and redirect.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
This is especially valuable when considering screen time and older kids and teens. Gather your family and lay out the summer plans, talk about your expectations around screen time, and establish the rules of the road together. Invite them to share their ideas and concerns and take them seriously. Listening to their feelings about their devices and how they want to use them doesn’t mean you have to permit all their ideas. You can set boundaries that address your concerns, while still being respectful to the needs of your kids.
Get clear on what needs to happen before screen time …
Make a summer checklist that lays out all the activities they must do before they’re allowed to touch any devices. This list may include some home responsibilities or just activities that are not screen based. Create the list with your kids and come up with as many ideas as possible. Post the list in a place everyone where can read or see it. Keep adding to it as new ideas emerge. That way, they come to you asking to watch tv or play video games, there’s no need to explain or lecture – just refer them to the list. Here are some ideas to get you started.
Incorporate a screen-free week, weekend, or day practice.
Unplugging for a set period of time can be the reset your family needs. Yes, it will be hard at first; yes they will return to their screens when it’s over — but that doesn’t mean the break wasn’t valuable. Here are a few examples:
• Make every Friday night a screen-free evening. Play games by candlelight instead.
• Commit to nightly evening walks after dinner without bringing your phone.
• Choose a weekend or week this summer to go completely screen free as a family! Make a prize at the end that everyone will enjoy (a special dinner out for example).
Don’t fear boredom, but prepare for it.
Bored kids can be really tough to deal with and this is often the gateway to excess screen time. When you give kids time to push through boredom, they eventually figure out what to do. It might take a 1/2 hour or 3 days, but they will figure it out when given the chance.
The experience of feeling bored is super important for brain development and more. The belief that kids need to be entertained at all times robs them of cultivating perseverance, self reliance, confidence and creativity. In our go, go, go culture, where immediacy is the norm, we’ve lost touch with just being with ourselves. We don’t need to fill every moment. Doing “nothing” is valuable. It gives the mind and body a chance to slow down, recalibrate and bring awareness to things we tend to overlook in our push to the next thing… Sitting outside on a blanket and looking up at the trees is an amazing way to pass the time.
And … it’s okay to offer a little nudge too. If they’ve expressed interest in baking, have those ingredients available in the house. Keep a box of fun art supplies around. Hang on to all your empty Amazon boxes, then buy some packing tape and see if they build a fort.
Give your kids responsibilities.
No matter their age, having responsibilities gives kids a feeling of significance and belonging. Encourage them to get a job or to take on projects around the house. Give tasks that are a wee bit beyond them, so they stretch just a little out of their comfort zone. Feeling a sense of belonging and value in the day-to-day running of family life or community is a fundamental human need.
So how does this relate to managing screen time in the summer?
Taking on responsibilities – be it a paid job or helping around the house – builds inner value and straight-up skills. They offer time away from screens, hone different competencies, and firm up an important work ethic. When you feel good inside, your mind is more open to positive experiences.
Enjoy screens together.
I have to admit, our family LOVES movies and we do enjoy watching some of the truly great shows that are on tv together. We’ve made a real effort to explore a wide variety of genres and styles, from documentaries and art films to Marvel blockbusters. As the kids get older, our options for what we can watch together expand. It’s not always easy to find age appropriate films with their large age gap (16 and 11) but we always manage. Many a great conversation has come out of the things we’ve seen – whether it’s about history, how the musical score is used in the story, to social commentary and more. This is truly a shared activity, and one we all enjoy.
If gaming is an activity in your family, I encourage you to share in that as well. Making screens of any kind a WE activity instead of a ME activity helps lower the opportunity for inappropriate use, actively discourages secrecy, and opens up conversations and builds connection.
One final thing: your summer screen time plan doesn’t necessarily need to change.
If you’ve already got a routine that works for your family, there’s no need to revise anything for the summer. We’ve been using the same screen time rule for many, many years now. It’s not perfect but it works for our family, so we more or less keep it in the summer as we do the rest of the year. Don’t beat yourself up if screen time happens more than you’d like. Look, we can aim high and not meet the intention and that is reality. Avoiding screens at the cost of your mental health doesn’t make sense. I believe it’s worthwhile to genuinely try to keep kids off their screens as much as possible, but there is a point at which the stress of it out weighs the effort. There’s a time to let go and a time to stand strong. You know your kid, your family’s needs, your own values and particulars…This isn’t a contest, don’t compare and despair. Dig deep, but don’t drown yourself in the process.
Wishing you a wonderful summer!
