A Stress-Free Alternative to New Year’s Resolutions

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Now that we’re a few weeks into the new year, how are you feeling about everything you originally envisioned for 2025? I don’t know about you, but traditional New Year’s resolutions always leave me feeling guilty and stressed when I inevitably fail to meet my own well-intentioned but unreasonable expectations. Imagine my surprise and delight when, through my life coach certification program, I learned that there was a better, more innovative approach to goals and resolutions! I’m here to share an alternative practice so you can stay aligned with your best intentions throughout the year, no matter what you accomplish (or not) from day-to-day.

If you already feel like the weight of your resolutions adds more stress than joy to your life, then here’s a fresh take to consider!

What’s the Alternative?

Instead of resolutions, I now pick a Guiding Word of the Year that encompasses the kind of energy I want to cultivate in my life, and I use the word as a benchmark for my decision-making. Whenever I struggle with indecisiveness, my guiding word is there to help me see which option might be best aligned with my word. When I show up to do hard things, my word is there as a support system to help me through it with my integrity intact.

To get you started, I’m sharing the simple 3-step process I use to help my coaching clients select and implement a guiding word that’s meaningful to them personally. I also share the fascinating science behind what makes this a more effective way to get what you really want this year. Once you’ve had time to learn this alternative practice, I’ll return with Part 2, including 5 creative ways to infuse it into your everyday life.

Putting It into Practice

My 2024 word was JOY, and it showed up for me in some surprisingly helpful ways throughout the year, including as a support system through my breast cancer scare that I shared with you back in October.

Decision-Making Tool
I often use my Guiding Word as the basis of a quick cost/benefit analysis when making decisions. With each new opportunity and invitation in 2024, I considered the following:

  1. The benefit: How much joy do I expect to get out of this, and/or how much joy I might bring someone I care about?
  2. The cost: What will I need to say “no” to if I say “yes” to this?
  3. Compare the anticipated joy level with the potential cost to my time and energy. Is this a ratio I’ll feel good about later, or will I feel more resentful?

I even did this for small choices like which book to read next, or which kinds of activities I suggested doing with my family. I used it to help me make a quick decision to buy a pair of fun, playful sneakers because as soon as I spotted them, they made me smile. Before, I would have overthought the decision and probably talked myself out of buying them, worrying that I might look like a middle-aged mom trying too hard to look cool. I’m so glad I listened to my Guiding Word, because they fill me with joy when I look down at my feet!

As someone who’s struggled with indecisiveness for most of my life, I suddenly gained time back since I no longer wasted it hemming and hawing over every little decision.

Appreciating the Small Things
My Guiding Word reminded me to end each day thinking about 3 things that brought me joy. When I went for nature walks, I took time to slow down and notice the little glimmers, which led to a rapid expansion of my heart-shaped rock collection! Here’s some I found on ONE walk on Hampton Beach!

Strengthening the Parent-Child Bond
Over the course of the year, I learned so much from my daughter about how (and why) to prioritize joy. For example, I decided to start drum lessons—not with an end goal like joining a band or showing off a new skillset to my friends and family—but simply for the enJOYment of it. I figured since I was already at PMAC for my daughter’s music lessons, why NOT try out the instrument I always wanted to learn when I was 10?! I knew that even 32 years later, it wasn’t too late to start since my only goal was to learn a fun, new skill.

The best part about this is that my 10-year-old sees that adulting doesn’t have to be a boring and dreaded stage of life, as long as you don’t stop being a kid at heart. It led to this recent conversation:

Her: I think I know why kids my age are so into the whole skincare routine. They want to be like grownups! I don’t want to rush that; I like being a kid!

Me: That’s right! You have the rest of your life to be a grownup! Most people are in such a rush to grow up, and then suddenly, without you even noticing, it reverses and you spend the rest of your life taking any chance you can get to have pure fun like when you were a kid! But here’s a secret…being a grownup CAN be pretty great, especially when you give yourself permission to have fun again. So maybe the best thing is to never let of it in the first place!

Part of a Bigger, Evolving Jigsaw Puzzle
As one year ends, I don’t just drop the previous year’s word, but I try to find ways to continue incorporating it into the new year. Eventually, you’ll find that your words build on each other from year to year, adding to the jigsaw puzzle that represents your personal evolution. Here’s how my drumming example from my 2024 word, JOY, connects with previous years:

In 2022, my word was FREEDOM. When I started drumming last year, I found a new kind of freedom learning how to be straight up terrible at something as an adult without the pressure of needing to be great. I learned how to laugh at myself when I was terrible at drums, and then discovered the joy of laughing at all the other mistakes I used to beat myself up for.

In 2023, my word was PATIENCE. Learning a challenging new skill as an adult takes extreme levels of patience, which has never been one of my strong suits. My instructor has taught me the importance of slowing down, and then gradually speeding up; a lesson I’ve found helpful to apply in so many other areas of my life.

Each year I make a playlist that’s inspired by my word, and even after the year is over, I love listening to them whenever I want to feel reconnected with that word. Here are two that I’d like to share with you.
Note: for max effect, I recommend singing all the love songs to YOURSELF!

JOY isn’t synonymous with HAPPY

To be clear: while my word was JOY, this didn’t mean I had to be happy all the time, and I didn’t use it as an excuse to avoid hard things. In fact, I was able to embrace times of grief and fear last year while harnessing the power of duality by finding ways to see how joy can be mixed in with the pain.

When I attended a funeral for a friend’s family member, I didn’t push away the sadness, but I was able to celebrate a beautiful, love-filled life, and felt gratitude that I could be there to support people I care about during their time of deep grieving.

You may remember in October, I shared my experience with a breast cancer scare and the subsequent news that I’m likely to develop breast cancer at some point in my life. What helped me swallow that scary pill was my guiding word of JOY. If you’re wondering: “How did you approach a breast cancer scare with JOY?!?”, here’s how that one little word helped me…

Was I terrified about it all, angry at our broken healthcare system, and exhausted having to fight tooth and nail for the very diagnostic imaging that ended up finding the lump? Yes, yes, and yes. But through it all, JOY was there to hold my hand along the path of self-advocacy and health.

JOY helped me to see how fortunate I was to learn about my risk factors and what I can do about it moving forward. I was also able to cultivate joy through the simple act of writing about my experiences, knowing that my lessons might help others to learn and advocate for their own health.

Sometimes even JOY is not enough…

One of the important lessons that JOY taught me is that sometimes it’s more appropriate to let it go and hold space for the darker emotions. This is one of those times…

With the horrific images of the wildfires, and updates from close friends in my former home of Los Angeles, I’ve found myself spiraling with waves of grief. In times like these, we don’t need to offer silver linings—there are none, and to go down that path is to rob people of their authentic, valid reality.

My birthday is this month, and truly, all I want this year is for people to consider donating any amount to one of the many GoFund Me Fundraisers that are not meeting their goals. It’s all very overwhelming, but right now the biggest impact comes from micro-donations. Here are some for your consideration:

Every little bit helps.

Main Takeaway from my 2024 Guiding Word

After centering my life around joy for the past year, I discovered the biggest surprise is that unlike circumstantial happiness, true joy can be found when you least expect it in the darkest, most challenging times. Not through toxic positivity, but by simply allowing the full spectrum of emotions.

Joy can be found when you:

  • hold space for the duality of emotions like grief and gratitude
  • are in community with other people who empathize with your pain
  • allow others show up for you need it most
  • are there for others in their greatest moments of need
  • get creative! Martha Beck’s new book, Beyond Anxiety, shows how creativity is proven to assuage anxiety! 

Next Steps

Speaking of creativity, I’ll be back next month with a follow-up: 5 Creative Ways to Put Your Guiding Word into Practice! 

I hope you select a word that’ll be there to support you through all the highs and lows, and mundane spaces between that 2025 may bring.

Curious what I picked for my 2025 word? It’s a very outside-the-box one, and I’ll reveal it in Part 2. In the meantime, you can rock out to my 2025 Guiding Word Playlist. The tunes will give you hints to the word; then click here to submit your guess on what I picked. There’s a prize for one person who guesses correctly!

Suggestion From a Joyful Kid

My daughter suggests the best way to bring joy to you and your family is to have a dance party to this song! You’re welcome.

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