5 Things I Learned About Crushing Adult Life as a Dance Mom

Did you know that as a competitive dancer, you will sometimes have to compete against your own teammates? It’s a thing, and something that is prevalent in our adult life too. What happens if you lose your job at the exact moment your friend is advancing their business? Or you are starting a new relationship while your best friend is getting a divorce? Welcome to mid-life and the question encountered so often within it: how do you win or lose – and do it with empathy for others and yourself?

When you are part of a dance team, you are pushed to praise and support your teammates when they win – even when you lose. A lot of adults can’t do that! As a young dancer you practice understanding and empathy, learning to reach out, connect, and be humble. You learn to appreciate the strengths other people possess and celebrate them – instead of letting jealousy take over. It is HARD, but it is an incredibly valuable skill. It teaches you that is is OK – and normal – to feel both sad and happy at the same time, and that it’s ok to communicate those feelings to your friends and partners. I’ve witnessed 12-year-old dancers do just that, and equally watched other adults fail miserably at it. 

During class and competitions coaches and judges give dancers constant feedback. Judge’s verbal critiques are recorded for each dancer so they can listen again after their performance. Yet, dancers don’t – and can’t – walk away feeling attacked. They don’t take the feedback as an insult; using it instead to increase their awareness of their performance and drive them to their next goal. The ability to be coached and taught is a skill! Adults need this skill in all aspects of advanced education and career development. In order to achieve, you must first be willing to learn – and to realize that someone else may know better than you.

In our world of high-achieving hustle, plentiful screens, and instant gratification; it’s easy for us to live just rushing from one place to another and not feeling much. Our lives are filled with to-do lists, events, work, and chores as adults. Mental Health concerns are on the rise as we deal with traumas large and small. Dancers learn to feel their choreography and to emote that feeling on stage. They practice feeling while they perform. Developing a story and theme as they move, dancers use empathy and feeling to share their art with the audience. We are learning more and more about the human brain, and the impact of mental health on the physical body. Ignoring feelings can be bad for your health! Dancers get extra practice with feeling it ALL. 

Feeling stressed or overwhelmed as an adult? When was the last time you played, exercised to the point of being focused on nothing else but your breath, or created something meaningful using just your own imagination? Dancers do this as a daily practice. They use art and movement as means to express their feelings and create choreography. Both of these things are used as therapy for overcoming anxiety and depression. The Arts (fine arts, theatre, dance, poetry, movement, music) are all INCREDIBLY important to our children’s lives, and can be the only reason that some want to go to school or learn at all. I learned that in graduate school, and it still holds true in my personal experience as an adult. 

Not up for taking a dance class or joining a dance academy as an adult? That’s ok. You can still benefit from the dancer mentality. Find a space where you can play some music, move your body and sweat. Dance like no one is watching! Or, act like the many dancers I know and dance like the whole world is watching. My daughter asked me recently if dance would ever be part of the Olympic Games. Though there is no real way to know that, my thinking is that maybe the meaning of this art is so much more than a Gold, Silver or Bronze.